shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
