yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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