You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
