i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
