Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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