And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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