Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
