I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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