i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
