Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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