its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
