When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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