I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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