when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
