So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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