covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Terrible idea I love it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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