Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
