Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
