I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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