youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Pooping to opera.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
