she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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