Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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