My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
