I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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