haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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