saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
