Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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