he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
