you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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