i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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