Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you bring me the toilet please
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
