my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
