Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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