well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cockslap morals
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
pop tarts are not kleenex
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
