Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I cannot find my penis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize