hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
