I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
