would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
ttyl tear gas
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
