Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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