she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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