just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
