I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
