I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
