it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
