too bad you live with your parents still
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize