i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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