Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
