break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
