Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
