Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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