I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
