morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize