Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
