NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
