I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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