we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
