i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
