It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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