I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
