We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
