We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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