you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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