The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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