I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
