i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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