Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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