Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
