Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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