But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
