atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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