Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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