I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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