just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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