Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
