I think I am morally bankrupt
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
