I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
