Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
