so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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