I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
