Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
