if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
