Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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