We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
