I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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