Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
