This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
