Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
