Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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