you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
