Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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